The ivory tower has lost its sheen.
Its glasses are cracked,
And I am tempted to break them.
Eyes had been satisfied with a glance,
But now the tower looks submerged.
Almost like a mirage.
There is not a drop of water,
But a flood seems inevitable.
The road that led me to the tower,
Has gone the other way now.
I kept looking thorugh the window,
Could hear your cracked and dry hearbeats.
I wanted to break open the gate...
It was intriguing and I held my breath.
I tried to break leaves from the tree outside,
They were brittle and collapsed in my hand.
I rubbed it in my palm the entire day.
Waited and like a mad woman at times.
But now the tower scares me.
And I am tempted to break the glass.
I know you are sleeping
In the dark corner of the tower
And I will have to find you.
Are you free inside the tower.
Or am I bound sitting in the air outside it.....
ME
Aug 25, 2007
LeT LoVe IN by Goo Goo Dolls
"You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen lightIn dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
I wishWishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love inhear mewanting this world to let you in
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in "
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen lightIn dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
I wishWishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love inhear mewanting this world to let you in
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in "
Marquez....
"She kept watching him even when she was through cutting onions and she kept on watching until it aws no longer possible for her to see him because then he was no longer an annoyance in her life but an imaginary dot of the horizon of the sea." Man with the enormous wings
Aug 19, 2007
Words
"A place does not merely exist, it has to be invented in one's imagination." Shadow Lines
"She had not got it herself,she always envied - a sort of abandonment, as if she could say anything, do anything." Mrs Dalloway
"Lord I was born a ramblin man, tryin to make a livin and doin the best I can.and when its time for leaving, I hope you will understand, that I was born a ramblin man." Alman Brothers
"In the depths of my winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." Camus
"It was like having the clothes torn off his body and the shame was not , that his body was exposed but that it was exposed to indifferent eyes." Fountainhead
"If I found a job, a project,an idea or a person that I wanted-I'd have to depend on the whole world. Everything has strings laeding to eveything else. We'r all so tied together.We'r all in a net,the net is waiting and we'r pushed into it by one single desire. You want a thing and its preciuos to you. Do you know who is standing raedy to tear it out of your hands? you cant know,it may be so involved and so far away but someone s raedy and you are afraid of them all. And you cringe and you crawl and you beg and you accept them-just so they will let you keep it and look at whom you come to accept." FH
"She had not got it herself,she always envied - a sort of abandonment, as if she could say anything, do anything." Mrs Dalloway
"Lord I was born a ramblin man, tryin to make a livin and doin the best I can.and when its time for leaving, I hope you will understand, that I was born a ramblin man." Alman Brothers
"In the depths of my winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." Camus
"It was like having the clothes torn off his body and the shame was not , that his body was exposed but that it was exposed to indifferent eyes." Fountainhead
"If I found a job, a project,an idea or a person that I wanted-I'd have to depend on the whole world. Everything has strings laeding to eveything else. We'r all so tied together.We'r all in a net,the net is waiting and we'r pushed into it by one single desire. You want a thing and its preciuos to you. Do you know who is standing raedy to tear it out of your hands? you cant know,it may be so involved and so far away but someone s raedy and you are afraid of them all. And you cringe and you crawl and you beg and you accept them-just so they will let you keep it and look at whom you come to accept." FH
Who is the other?
WHO IS THE OTHER? Somewhere lost track between fiction and "reality"...anyways here it is....
“Finally, after a long hiatus...I am happy for you”, said her mother. She replied, “I know mom”. With a childlike innocence she added, “He is a nice person”. “I am sure he is. By the way what’s his name”, asked the mother. “Iqbal”, she replied. “Iqbal...Is he a Muslim?”
Then came the horror on her face, which seeped in her voice and could be felt across the other end of the telephone. It was as if somebody had just given her the news of an incurable ailment of a very dear one. Her mother made her feel as if this time she wasn’t seeing “one of us”. She did not understand the category, if it was just confined to being a Hindu or being a human. She was getting used to the bizarre reactions that buzzed after she uttered his name as the guy she was involved with. Revulsion in her mother’s voice made her strongly realize that she was with a guy whose identity is larger than life and is an embodiment of confusion, error and prejudice which illicit mixed emotions of hatred, terror and acerbic reactions from people around her.
She heard the tinkling of the wind chime hung outside the carved door of the main entrance. She wasn’t sure of the wind but she waited till she could hear the doorbell. She rushed to open the door. He understood what had happened when he saw her red and moist eyes. He wanted to hold her and avoid her at the same time. It was a difficult line that he walked, not pouncing on those who called him the “other” and not pampering those who pity him as an underdog. “I am a terrorist”, he said half jokingly, but the cynicism shattered the glass, cut across through and slapped her face and some other faces. But only she could hear the crackle and only she could feel the pain.
She knew that he had not eaten anything as it was his first roza. He had told her how angels come to look after them when they fast on auspicious days of Ramzan. It brought a faint smile to her face, when she was reminded of being told by him that she was his angel. She knew that “his” god was the nucleus of his heart but the atoms were only filled with a universal longing for love. She affectionately watched him. A splendid silence filled the room as they looked in each other’s eyes.
She sat on his lap and they embraced each other. She felt his hand roving through her body and as she closed her eyes, a “Kashmiri jehadi’s” unrecognizable face filled the darkness. She opened her eyes, looked at him desperately and hurriedly sealed his lips with a fervent kiss.
This time when he closed his eyes, myriad of glimpses passed through. He saw his parents who claimed to kill themselves if their daughter married a Hindu doctor who she was in love with for eight years. He saw how he had told this girl who was in his arms at the moment, that they will break up if they “seriously” fall for each other. He saw how out of 50 odd college students on hunger strike, only two, including him, were picked up to spent a night in jail because their names ended with Khan and Mustafa. He saw an invisible wall which was staring at him in the face, ready to rip him apart, the day he decided to cross it and venture into the “other” land.
He picked her up in his arms and took her to the bedroom. For a moment, she felt like tearing apart his body to wade through his soul and see if something is encrypted on it which makes him the “other”, the villain of a heinous story or a figure who needs pity.
They lay in each other’s arms quietly, staring at the ceiling and feeling the warmth of naked bodies and inhibited hearts. They saw the moonlight and eclipse alternately and sometimes simultaneously and wondered who the “other” is….
“Finally, after a long hiatus...I am happy for you”, said her mother. She replied, “I know mom”. With a childlike innocence she added, “He is a nice person”. “I am sure he is. By the way what’s his name”, asked the mother. “Iqbal”, she replied. “Iqbal...Is he a Muslim?”
Then came the horror on her face, which seeped in her voice and could be felt across the other end of the telephone. It was as if somebody had just given her the news of an incurable ailment of a very dear one. Her mother made her feel as if this time she wasn’t seeing “one of us”. She did not understand the category, if it was just confined to being a Hindu or being a human. She was getting used to the bizarre reactions that buzzed after she uttered his name as the guy she was involved with. Revulsion in her mother’s voice made her strongly realize that she was with a guy whose identity is larger than life and is an embodiment of confusion, error and prejudice which illicit mixed emotions of hatred, terror and acerbic reactions from people around her.
She heard the tinkling of the wind chime hung outside the carved door of the main entrance. She wasn’t sure of the wind but she waited till she could hear the doorbell. She rushed to open the door. He understood what had happened when he saw her red and moist eyes. He wanted to hold her and avoid her at the same time. It was a difficult line that he walked, not pouncing on those who called him the “other” and not pampering those who pity him as an underdog. “I am a terrorist”, he said half jokingly, but the cynicism shattered the glass, cut across through and slapped her face and some other faces. But only she could hear the crackle and only she could feel the pain.
She knew that he had not eaten anything as it was his first roza. He had told her how angels come to look after them when they fast on auspicious days of Ramzan. It brought a faint smile to her face, when she was reminded of being told by him that she was his angel. She knew that “his” god was the nucleus of his heart but the atoms were only filled with a universal longing for love. She affectionately watched him. A splendid silence filled the room as they looked in each other’s eyes.
She sat on his lap and they embraced each other. She felt his hand roving through her body and as she closed her eyes, a “Kashmiri jehadi’s” unrecognizable face filled the darkness. She opened her eyes, looked at him desperately and hurriedly sealed his lips with a fervent kiss.
This time when he closed his eyes, myriad of glimpses passed through. He saw his parents who claimed to kill themselves if their daughter married a Hindu doctor who she was in love with for eight years. He saw how he had told this girl who was in his arms at the moment, that they will break up if they “seriously” fall for each other. He saw how out of 50 odd college students on hunger strike, only two, including him, were picked up to spent a night in jail because their names ended with Khan and Mustafa. He saw an invisible wall which was staring at him in the face, ready to rip him apart, the day he decided to cross it and venture into the “other” land.
He picked her up in his arms and took her to the bedroom. For a moment, she felt like tearing apart his body to wade through his soul and see if something is encrypted on it which makes him the “other”, the villain of a heinous story or a figure who needs pity.
They lay in each other’s arms quietly, staring at the ceiling and feeling the warmth of naked bodies and inhibited hearts. They saw the moonlight and eclipse alternately and sometimes simultaneously and wondered who the “other” is….
Black hole
A hand that wants to feel the sigh,
comes out empty with nothing but a black hole.
The panting sounds heavy, sounds like a chant.
Heartbeats can be heard but nothing can be seen.
A holocaust appears waiting to get destroyed.
Nada can be felt but cant be destroyed.
All the men are engulfed in the nada,
and the feeling of a common streak fails to console.
The blood and swaet are all the same,
each trickling down the numb face,
evaporating gradually.
The fry leaves fall from the face,
and a new face appears with each changing season.
The old leaf becomes a black hole.
And the hand that wants to feel the sigh,
comes out empty with nothing but a black hole.
ME
comes out empty with nothing but a black hole.
The panting sounds heavy, sounds like a chant.
Heartbeats can be heard but nothing can be seen.
A holocaust appears waiting to get destroyed.
Nada can be felt but cant be destroyed.
All the men are engulfed in the nada,
and the feeling of a common streak fails to console.
The blood and swaet are all the same,
each trickling down the numb face,
evaporating gradually.
The fry leaves fall from the face,
and a new face appears with each changing season.
The old leaf becomes a black hole.
And the hand that wants to feel the sigh,
comes out empty with nothing but a black hole.
ME
Deep blue Ocean
I thought was the deep blue ocean.
The deep blue ocean where I always wanted to float.
I felt naked and then the water was all over me.
It was really deep blue.
I was floating but going deeper.
Though the skin was corroding,
I still thought that this was the deep blue ocean.
The mermaid swam by my side,
she smirked seeing me submerged.
I still believed that it was the blue ocean.
She went far ahead and showed me her claws and laughed.
I felt my skin dissolving.
I thought that this was the ephemeral moment,
but I started to feel it all.
I wanted to be numb,
but the skin kept corroding.
I wanted to hear the loud silence,
but deadening quiet cacophony was all I coul hear.
It still was the deep blue ocean.
I saw an oyster near by.
When I touched it, it burnt my eyes.
I was blind to it all,
but could feel that it was the deep blue ocean.
There was no skin left now,
the noises surrounded my slithering bones.
I could hear a laughter of sarcasm.
Or was it the satisfaction to kill someone.
I could not be sure.
But I chose to think that it was indeed the deep blue ocean.
ME
The deep blue ocean where I always wanted to float.
I felt naked and then the water was all over me.
It was really deep blue.
I was floating but going deeper.
Though the skin was corroding,
I still thought that this was the deep blue ocean.
The mermaid swam by my side,
she smirked seeing me submerged.
I still believed that it was the blue ocean.
She went far ahead and showed me her claws and laughed.
I felt my skin dissolving.
I thought that this was the ephemeral moment,
but I started to feel it all.
I wanted to be numb,
but the skin kept corroding.
I wanted to hear the loud silence,
but deadening quiet cacophony was all I coul hear.
It still was the deep blue ocean.
I saw an oyster near by.
When I touched it, it burnt my eyes.
I was blind to it all,
but could feel that it was the deep blue ocean.
There was no skin left now,
the noises surrounded my slithering bones.
I could hear a laughter of sarcasm.
Or was it the satisfaction to kill someone.
I could not be sure.
But I chose to think that it was indeed the deep blue ocean.
ME
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