Comeback. And recommendation of the week.

"I'm always making a comeback but nobody ever tells me where I've been." Billie Holiday.

I can't even begin to tell you how I stumbled upon this beautiful line from Billie Holiday today. But probably this was all I needed. She is one of my most favourite singers ever.

This time, I will make notes while I am away, instead of going through references. They might be incoherent. Incomprehensible. I might be dazed. But this time, I probably will remember something about the place I am going to. I would, for example, definitely know its exact distance from predictability.

So I guess, I will see you around when I am back.

BTW, Recommendation of the week: Yann Martel's Life of Pi, the book.  Been my best friend since the last fifteen-twenty days. Martel and Pi Patel are great storytellers and great survivors. Really looking forward to Ang Lee's movie now.   

“If you stumble about believability, what are you living for? Love is hard to believe, ask any lover. Life is hard to believe, ask any scientist. God is hard to believe, ask any believer. What is your problem with hard to believe?” 

Love is a dog from hell- Charles Bukowski

AS CRAZY AS I EVER WAS

drunk and writing poems
at 3 a.m.

what counts now
is one more
tight pussy

before the light
tilts out

drunk and writing poems
at 3:15 a.m.

some people tell me that I'm
famous.

what am I doing alone
drunk and writing poems at
3:18 a.m.?

I'm as crazy as I ever was
they don't understand
that I haven't stopped hanging out of 4th floor
windows by my heels-
I still do
right now
sitting here

writing this down
I am hanging by my heels
floors up:
68, 72, 101,
the feeling is the
same:
relentless
unheroic and
necessary

sitting here
drunk and writing poems
at 3:24 a.m.

Love story of Frida and Diego

 

(Source: Guardian.co.uk)

(Source: Timeisart.org)

(Source: proa.org)

“There have been two great accidents in my life. One was the trolley, and the other was Diego. Diego was by far the worst.” Frida Kahlo

वोह तो बस फ़िज़ूल बातें करते हैं

वोह तो बस फ़िज़ूल बातें करते हैं
इधर उधर के किस्से सुना कर
तालियों की गूँज पीते रहते है

होठों पर बैठीं रहती है शराब हमेशा
उधार की नज्मों में चस्का लेते है
कुछ पुराने कुछ नए शायरों की
कुछ ग़मगीन कुछ शौक़ीन

रोज़ युही इश्क में पड़ते रहते है
लड़ते है झगड़ते है
बस यूँ ही ज़रा मुस्कुरा कर
पेशानी पे कुछ हलके से बल लाकर 
दिल को बाजू पर अटका कर
वोह रोज़ घर से निकलते है

बस पूछों मत
वोह तो बस फ़िज़ूल बातें करते है
इधर उधर के किस्से सुना कर
तालियों की गूँज पीते रहते है

Coco Before Chanel and Coco Chanel

“I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.”  Coco Chanel

Last night, I watched a very subtle and nuanced Audrey Tatau walk into the character of Coco Before Chanel effortlessly. Since I did not know much about Gabrielle Chanel much, I was devoid of any expectations. The movie is not mind-blowing or one of the best biographical pieces that I have seen, but it has a beautiful pace and its heart is definitely in the right place. Some of the scenes are really beautifully shot (Like how the dull grey suit clad Tatau stands out at the beach amongst a riot of various colors).

The Coco Chanel spirit is subtly weaved into young Gabrielle's life when she is working on clothes, hats mainly and ostensibly dreaming about becoming a stage performing star in Paris. The movie focuses on her two most important relationships with two most important men in her life- Balson (extremely good performance by Benoît Poelvoorde) and 'Boy'. Her stubbornness, her pride, her lack of pride, her abhorrence for frilly dresses, her core elegance,  her impulses, her mask of emotional detachment, her vulnerability when she actually succumbs into the arms of love is very exquisitely captured. And like I said, Audrey Tatau is a sheer delight on the screen. Chanel's determination, often shaken up by her financial dependence and eventual falling into love with 'Boy', something that she avoided for the major part of her young life is amazingly portrayed by Tatau in the movie.

My most favourite scene in the movie is when Tatau changes her mind before leaving Balson's house the first time, dresses up as a boy and barges into his party mounted on a badly ridden horse.

I lapped up quite a lot of reading material last night on Ms Coco Chanel- The Innovator; (at the cost of using an extremely cliched term) The woman in a man's world (especially at her time); a woman who eventually knew what she wanted and always knew how to get what she wanted and most importantly, a woman in love. She confessed, as I read somewhere, of being deeply affected till the end by Boy's death which happened due to a car accident. She managed to keep her decision intact- of being nobody's wife, till the end.

“Arrogance is in everything I do. It is in my gestures, the harshness of my voice, in the glow of my gaze, in my sinewy, tormented face.”
― Coco Chanel

I would probably add pearls, black, bow-ties and cherry lipstick to my wardrobe. Drink champagne may be, for a few days. And, well, be very particular about my perfume ;)
  
“Where should one use perfume?" a young woman asked. "Wherever one wants to be kissed.”  Coco Chanel

Part Two

Good Will Hunting, love, 9.8 million and my friend Anu

Saturday evening was a lovely haze. Cooked, ate, drank and watched Good Will Hunting with two of my friends. We laughed quite a bit.

When I came back home, thoughts were somersaulting. Most of them well-behaved, thankfully. Something reminded me of this post that I had written, almost a year back.

I love this scene in Good Will Hunting between Robin Williams and Matt Damon about soulmates.

Sean: Do you have a soul mate?
Will: Define that.
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Sure, I got plenty.
Sean: Well, name them.
Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well that's great. They're all dead.
Will: Not to me, they're not.
Sean: You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.

Lately, most of my daily chores, routines have a life of their own. It makes it slightly easier to cut through the chaos.

I was talking to my friend Anu last night who is a quintessential nomad traveller, in the absolute sense of the word. She personifies it. Last night, we had our 9.8 millionth chat about the complicated and interesting things of our lives in general, love, being at the centre of it all. 

Anu was born and brought up in the US, moved to India for two years, back in the States now but in Bombay currently to say goodbyes. Temporary goodbyes. She says that she has a bitter-sweet relationship with Bombay. She says, “I feel like saying ‘Love you Bombay. Fuck you Bombay’ in the same breath.” It is very similar to her and my ideas of finding “someone”. It is something we care about so much and something we don't care about at all, in the same breath!

    
You probably should give it a shot, someone gently whispers. Courage, however, takes smaller and fewer steps. Vulnerability hides under the bed. Patience goes for a short term paid vacation. The heart snuggles inside a warm blanket, alone. But probably someone will inspire all of them to go out there again. To go out on a limb. Or someone will sweep them off their feet and take them out for dinner. Candle light. It is absolutely fine for life to demand a few cliches here and there.