Staying quiet

I am surrounded with this strange feeling today. Have I been putting out a bit too much of my heart out there. Screaming and shouting so that someone can hear me. Someone in particular. Or may be even someone random who would empathize or may be sympathize a bit. Empathy is better actually. I almost hate sympathy.

I love the term "deep recesses of my mind". I don't even remember where I read it first but I just loved it instinctively. However, most times, these "deep recesses of my mind" is my normal state of being. Always feeling things a bit too intensely. For me, it is much better to be cocooned in a tiny hole, absorbed in my own world rather than reaching out, trying to make myself heard.

I sometimes feel scared of leaving the city because what if love changes its mind and wants to see me one fine day when I am not there. But then again, this wait is stifling beyond imagination.

I would rather admire love from the distance and write poems about it. It is too intimidating if it is any closer. Just writing innumerable diary entries about its beauty and its ugliness is better, may be. And probably what I have been calling heartaches and heartbreaks all this while, are, again, just a state of being. Probably one that is beautiful in its own way. It makes me fall deeper in love ironically.

I am, however, ready to take the plunge, to the bottom and see what all the fuss is about. If I meet love there, we will probably start a new world but if I don't, atleast I would not be devoid of all that I could have possibly or impossibly known and felt. So, may be, I will stay quiet for a while. Atleast will stop shouting. Will go with the mundane flow while staying true to the "deep recesses of my mind".

PS: And I refuse to believe that life can be so predictable. Come on. It cannot be :)