Smashed

KATE (one year sober):

"I’ve heard that your best day drinking is worse than your worst day sober. Well...that is SO not true! I had amazing times drinking, dancing, and laughing...feeling like the most adorable, charming girl in the world. And I was adorable. I’d piss my pants, but I was still cute.

When I first tried getting sober, I figured that as long as I didn’t drink...everything else would just magically work out. But it didn’t. My marriage fell apart. I got fired from my job. And that shit happened SOBER! I never read that in any pamphlet...that isn’t what I signed up for. Um...so, I relapsed. Another shitty slogan I’ve heard in the rooms is that when you’re sober for a bit and drink again “the disease waits for you, picks up where it left off". I’m sorry you guys, but I HATE those slogans. They all sound like bumper stickers. But, I have to admit...for me, that last one is pretty damn true.

When I drink...I become another person. And that person is a pretty big asshole. Well, unless you want to give me drugs or buy me drinks --then that person is awesome.I wasn’t happy being the “good-time girl,” though. And honestly, I wasn’t very good at it.

My life is really different than it was a year ago. I live alone. I’m bored a lot more. I have a job that pays a lot less.I’m thankful for the program -- for my friends in here who took the time to help me and give a shit about me. There are people that used to be a part of my life that I miss -- a lot -- but.....I’m really grateful for this boring new life of mine."